Our affect on a Sub Emotions
(Original article from http://sagacitygroup.net/art/stories/emotionsofasubmissive)
The Submissive Emotions and our affect on them
Walking up to soapbox, she feels her own emotions: Fear tries to take over her. Confidence threatens to leave. Doubts fill her, uncertainty clouds her mind, she questions her sanity and abilities wonders how the hell she got herself into this~.
Her fingers tremble as she attempts to start. Suddenly she remembers why these emotions are so familiar to her. For they have been with her during all stages of her journey~.
"Emotions of a submissive" is a large topic.
It is impossible to cover all of the emotions a submissive will experience. It is equally impossible to have a universal agreement on our emotions for they are as unique as each one of us.
i will try to cover some of the basic emotions i myself have experienced, or have witnessed in others. my goal is to touch on emotions of a submissive in the D/s lifestyle, although some cross into S&M; or the umbrella of BDSM will show.
Please remember these are my own personal experiences and views only. Each will have their own.
i have found that as we grow in our lifestyle, as we gain experience, and as we venture deeper into submission, our emotions change constantly. They grow with us. What upsets or offends us today, may thrill or excite us tomorrow!
Much of a submissive's emotions are affected by cause. Who or what has caused the particular emotion to surface has a great effect on what we feel.
A Mistress's compliments, A Dominant's words of approval can cause a submissive to beam brightly for weeks!!
A Mistress's stern words, A Dominant's disappointed glare, can cause a submissive to feel completely crushed.
Sometimes I wonder if Dom/mes really understand how much of an impact and effect Their words or actions may have on a submissive, even to those of us They do not know?
So many times I have witnessed a Dominant correcting or teaching Their own submissive, in open. And have found myself affected. Please, be aware of the submissives around You and what affects You may be producing. (grins)
Emotions of a New submissive is a topic all to itself. The wonderment, joy, confusion, fears, social pressures, etc, etc, we all feel when first discovering who and what we really are, is overwhelming.
We come into the lifestyle, much like a child discovering Christmas! We may quickly be like a child, stuck in a maze we can't find our way out of.
"Sub Frenzy" all to often hits the new submissive. They have an overwhelming need to find a Dominant NOW!!
Like the child at the Christmas tree their emotions take over and they want to open the presents right now!!
Unfortunately, the submissive in this rush, the one not willing to learn or study first, will almost always be hurt or abused. May the lesson be learned online and not r/t.
The first D/s relationship, produces enough emotions to write a book on. All the emotions of a vanilla love affair are present with the added depth of the D/s power exchange.
Instead of riding the regular roller coaster, the D/s relationship can be like the grand three loop coaster!! Space Mountain!! Emotions flip up and down and hit hard.
Some of them are: Love, completeness, satisfaction, freedom utopia, adoration, cherishing. Pride, need to please, a feeling of finally "coming home".
But there may also be, Guilt, insecurity, jealousy Fear of inadequacy, failure, dependency A feeling of disappointment in oneself or ones Dominant.
The need for complete honesty and communication in explaining ones feelings to their Dominant can not be stressed enough. Part of the D/s relationship, the power exchange, is found in bringing out these emotions and dealing with them, together.
Sitting at Your Dom/mes feet, while Your Dom/me holds your leash, produces incredible emotions. The longer one is kept sitting there the more emotions that surface.
I am undecided as to whether sitting with eyes down cast, knowing that Dominant is looking at me, or with eyes looking into the Dom/me's produces more emotions. A Dominant may periodically ask the submissive. "what are you feeling"? (guaranteed a tough question to answer, lol).
The first Scene experience can produce emotions one never knew existed.
Feeling the secure "hug" of your first bondage can bring many things to surface. There really is a special freedom in bondage!! And yes, it's okay to cry! or giggle! Your Dominant will understand and may even enjoy the release of emotions you give over to Them, for you are trusting Them to see you, the real you.
And to still care for you afterwards!!
Different play scenes will produce different emotions.
They say when near death, ones life passes before them. In scenes I think ones emotions passes before them. All emotions.
I have found this in myself, particularly during knife or edge play. As each emotion surfaces one hears the Dominants reassuring voice and feels the safety He/She provides.
To be in an environment where it's safe and acceptable to feel ones emotions is the "freedom" submissives feel in bondage.
This often leads to subspace. Subspace is different for every person. Some describe it as heaven, yet others "rage" in subspace. Perhaps best to say, it's a place where one goes, that's special and strived for. It is emotion pushed to the maximum and beyond.
Sometimes a day or two after an intense scene a submissive may find themselves in sub drop
Crying or giggling for no apparent reason, an unsettled feeling of being down. It's a natural reaction to the release of such intense emotions, and a loving Dominant will know to cuddle and talk, cuddle and talk, cuddle and talk.
Coping with release produces some of the toughest emotions a submissive will ever face. Lost, alone, scared, lonely, no direction, unfocused, failure, guilt, panic, disappointment, depression, Are but a few of the emotions.
My best suggestion is to not face them alone. Seek out sis/bros, they have been there, they can help you through it. Hopefully your Dominant will also help you as much as possible, with Their aftercare of you.
In closing I would like to make one suggestion. Know Whom you are involved with and what you need.
Is He/She a Dominant, willing to guide You, hold and talk to You as the emotions surface? Is the Dominant experienced and confident enough to control Their own fears as they help you?
Or is He/She a Top, interested in the scene only and with no understanding or concerns of the emotions you may feel?
I feel this is as important to Your safety and well being as is the Dominants abilities with Their toys.