Why submissives need D/s
(Original article from http://kinktoychest.com/index.php/castle-realm-archives/148)
Here are questions I seem to get asked fairly often: "Why is a "nice girl" like you involved in something as weird as D/s?" We've even had e-mail at Castle Realm that ran along a similar line: "Why do people like you get involved in stuff like this?" These questions have always both amazed me and concerned me. When you begin to analyze the subliminal messages in these questions, you come up with some pretty remarkable conclusions that are being made by people.
- Nice girls should not be involved in the D/s lifestyle.
- People in D/s are not nice.
- If you are in a D/s relationship, you must not be nice.
- D/s is weird.
- If you're in a D/s relationship, you must be weird.
- Weird (kinky) and nice cannot exist together in one person or in a relationship.
Looking at these conclusions only affirms the message that society sends to its members, females especially. That message is what confused me most of my adult life. All my life I had a need to be a "good girl" and to please those I held in esteem. I enjoyed being good and thrived on the praise I received for being a good girl, a good daughter, a good student and a good employee. But there was another side of me that existed inside of all that goodness.
At some point in my late adolescence or early adulthood I discovered there was a part of me that was not always good according to society's definition. Sleeping inside me was a Tigress that embodied all the evil things that I'd been told "bad girls" were. The Tigress seldom stirred from her sleep, but when she did I'd have thoughts that caused my entire body to blush. For years I struggled to reconcile those feelings that came calling at unexpected times and I was pretty successful. The Tigress remained locked safety away and out of sight. Only now and then did I feel her sharp claws tearing at my inner parts or hear her low growls when something aroused her. Only in my darkest fantasies did I tiptoe to where she slept and watch her dozing fitfully as her dreams disturbed her restful sleep.
The Missing Piece
As the years passed with their good and bad times, I followed the safe path. Even after my introduction to the D/s lifestyle, I was still a good girl and never strayed from my conception of what I was supposed to be. My mentor and trainer often told me that there was a part of me that I would have to come to know and accept before I could ever be the whole submissive that my future Master would need. Her words would frequently rouse the Tigress but I was skilled at keeping her silenced and chained in the recesses of my soul where both she and I were safe. My trainer would only smile and tell me that some day I'd find peace with all the facets of personality and my submissive gift. I longed for that day when I'd find the missing piece of who I was.
That day arrived a few years later when I was collared by the man that was, and remains, my Master. Our relationship continued to flourish and grew into a beautiful symbiosis of dominance and submission. I was fulfilled and at peace for the first time in my adult life. As happy and contented as I was, there was still a nagging feeling at times that something was missing. The void was not found in my Master or His ability to nurture me, instead it was within me. A piece of the puzzle of who I am was still missing. I would ask Master about this feeling and He'd always reply, "When you're ready, pet, I'll show you the missing piece. I know exactly where it is and I've touched it a few times but felt you were not ready to accept it." I trusted His wisdom beyond all doubt so I found comfort in the knowledge I no longer needed to worry about searching for it. Master was in control and I was content.
Meeting the Tigress
I've never been a prude but I've always been modest and a bit reserved about my sexuality. Master was pleased with this trait and I took great delight in being His "good girl." As we expanded our limits and began to delve deeper into some of the "darker" and more demanding aspects of our D/s relationship, I grew increasingly aware of the sleeping Tigress. Very often at the pinnacle of our sessions, she made herself known and her growling and clawing was an unexpected catalyst in my response to Master's control and enjoyment.
After one particularly lascivious session we talked, as we always do, to assure that all went well and we were both satisfied with the events that had taken place. Master expressed His pleasure at my willingness to surrender more control to Him. His tender touches and gentle words opened a door that had remained locked for so long. "My pet, I've seen your Tigress many times but tonight I was with her and enjoyed her completely," He said. "Are you ready to trust her with me?"
In the hours that passed, we discussed things we'd seldom put into words. All the things I'd hidden tumbled out into the light and I was able to face a part of my nature that I had tried to deny for most of my life. Sitting there staring into my eyes was my Tigress, safely collared and leashed by her Master. All of the things I'd been ashamed to acknowledge were proudly worn by her without repentance or remorse. She was draped in lustful abandon, unbridled sexual desire, wantonness and sensual pleasures the way a queen would wear her finest jewels. She was the animal part of me that could surrender all those things and never feel the anguish of regret or humiliation a "good girl" would feel. And most surprising of all, my Master loved and respected her just as He did the modest and demure jade.
For the first time I understood why a dominant does the things they do. I comprehended the need for the toys, the discipline and the relentless push to reach the edge of a submissive's limits. I grasped the reason for bondage, edge-play and pain. All of it came into focus for the first time and I soared with this new-found knowledge. I advanced 10 light-years in my submissive growth that day.
How it All Fits Together
Once the puzzle of my own life was put together, I could see where my life-long struggle had been. I could never reconcile myself to the conflicting messages I got in growing-up and the needs I had. I was supposed to be demure but there was a driving hunger to abandon myself completely to a man I loved. When I tried to satisfy that craving, I was consumed with guilt for what I'd done. It was an enigma that had no logical solution. The D/s lifestyle provided the key to incorporate all those conflicting pieces into one completed picture.
Being submissive and giving up control of your body and actions frees a woman from responsibility for the act of releasing her sexual nature to its fullest. After all, you are only doing what your Master wants you to do. You are fulfilling your need to be a good girl and a wanton woman by doing all He desires you to do for Him. When your reluctance to abandon yourself becomes a hurdle, a loving Master will use bondage or other techniques to relieve you of the burden of dealing with the conflict you may experience. He is in control so you can't resist doing those things you that embarrass you. You are freed from the culpability and guilt that society has used to bind you. You have no fear of the passionate Tigress and her depraved hunger because they are controlled by your Master. You can enjoy the fullness and completion of your sexuality without defilement or corruption and remain the guileless and virtuous "good girl." All of this is part the mystery and magic of D/s.
A note from Master's lovely: yes yes yes yes yes! Exactly!